eeeewww ewwwww eeewwww!

Cheney - pocket or package?

[And did I mention . . . EEEEWWWWWW!?!?!]

What have you done today . . . that you really wanted to?

This whole period of surgery and recovery has been a time to reflect on all those things I swear I'm gonna do . . . but don't quite get around to. In my case, they include:

• Writing for my own pleasure (not business) regularly - CHECK (umm, you do know you're at my recently launched blog, right?)
• Playing guitar - CHECK - although my classical guitar's fret remains just a bit too wide for my short fingers to pull off bar chords easily [wry grin]. But that's okay, been strolling around GuitareTab (no, that's not a typo) - the site has a huge number of songs interpreted by Joe and Jane Average folks. It's not the official sheet music, but an incredible (and free) simulation. When I hit songs I really like, I can download the actual sheet music then.
• Quitting smoking - CHECK - four weeks and counting. My hair smells purty.
• Paying more attention to my daughter and friends - CHECK - it's been amazing to (1) be shown how many loving people are in my life that will go out of their way for me [I mean, wow - really?!?] and (2) have enough time to show them how much I love them, too.

More stuff to follow - but those have been some of the highlights.

My name is Honora and I'm a compulsive etymologist . . .booyah!

It started innocently enough in those book-filled days of my youth . . . a fascination with words (my friends, my comfort, my reliable bastion against boredom). It took an unusual word or phrase, though, to spark the chase in those days.

That was because you had to work at it . . . dredge up long-forgotten dronings of ancient nuns on root words; plumb the depths of respected elders' knowledgebases (by which I mean their brains, not a database); and dig through resource books. And one never had the truly good research books in one's home – no, travel to a local library was required. Thus, the phrase or word had to make the cut. Not every randomly pondered word could inspire that level of commitment and dedication.

Inexorably, though, the compulsion grew. So I upgraded my resource books at home (the Complete Oxford Dictionary including built-in drawer for magnifying glass, anyone?). Alas, it was as frequently fruitless as fulfilling.

But then - the internet . . . . and all was lost. In the 10 or so years I've been cybersurfing, the compulsion has grown. I now cannot get through a conversation (business, social or otherwise) without the insidious distraction of that seductive voice saying, "Where does that word / phrase / concept come from?" [shakes head] Perhaps the vernacular (yee-haw! or "okay"). Perhaps word connections (see "muse" below). Perhaps language roots (well, duh – I knew "nudge" was Yiddish . . . but who woulda thought "mish mash," "cockamamie" and "magila" were, too? Oh, koshernosh, lomir geyn! [let me go!]).

At last week's Women's Writers Group, it happened again. But it wasn't ME – it was our kindly knitter-slash-"audience ear" who mused about variations of "muse." [shamefacedly sighs] Okay, but it was me who came home, researched the question across three of my favorite language websites, wrote up said research, and assembled the update email to 20 folks (only a quarter of whom were actually in attendance at said gathering). In my defense, I received two thank-you emails from people who had not attended but just found it interesting stuff (why, yes, it IS a communicable disease).

[from email] Following up from today's writers' meeting, here's some background on the definition and etymology of the word "muse" and the subsequent words we mused about that suggested some form of "muse" related thereto:

[note: most information taken from Online Etymology - one of my favorite sites]

MUSE - verb
"to be absorbed in thought," 1340, from O.Fr. muser (12c.) "to ponder, loiter, waste time," lit. "to stand with one's nose in the air" (or, possibly, "to sniff about" like a dog who has lost the scent), from muse "muzzle," from Gallo-Romance *musa "snout," of unknown origin. Probably influenced in sense by Muse.

MUSE - noun
c.1374, protectors of the arts, from L. Musa, from Gk. Mousa, lit. "muse, music, song," from PIE root *mon-/*men-/*mn- "to think, remember" (see mind (n.)). The names of the nine Muses, daughters of Zeus and Mnemosyne (q.v.), and their specialties are traditionally: Calliope (epic poetry), Clio (history), Erato (love poetry, lyric art), Euterpe (music, especially flute), Melpomene (tragedy), Polymnia (hymns), Terpsichore (dance), Thalia (comedy), Urania (astronomy).

MUSEUM - 1615, "the university building in Alexandria," from L. museum "library, study," from Gk. mouseion "place of study, library or museum," originally "a seat or shrine of the Muses," from Mousa "Muse." Earliest use in ref. to Eng. institutions was of libraries (e.g. the British Museum); sense of "building to display objects" first recorded 1683.

AMUSE - 1480, from M.Fr. amuser "divert, cause to muse," from à "at, to" (but here probably a causal prefix) + muser "ponder, stare fixedly." Sense of "divert from serious business, tickle the fancy of" is recorded from 1631, but through 18c. the primary meaning was "deceive, cheat" by first occupying the attention. Bemuse retains more of the original meaning. Amusement "a pastime, play, game, etc." is first recorded 1673, originally depreciative. Amusement park is first recorded 1909. Amusing is noted late 1920s as a vogue word.

MUSIC - c.1250, from O.Fr. musique (12c.), from L. musica, from Gk. mousike techne "art of the Muses," from fem. of mousikos "pertaining to the Muses," from Mousa "Muse." In classical Greece, any art in which the Muses presided, but especially music. Meaning "film or theater piece of which song is an essential element" is from 1938. The use of letters to denote music notes is probably at least from ancient Greece, as their numbering system was ill-suited to the job. Natural scales begin at C (not A) because in ancient times the minor mode was more often used than the major one. The natural minor scale begins at A. To face the music "accept the consequences" is from 1850; the exact image is uncertain, one theory ties it to stage performers, another to cavalry horses having to be taught to stay calm while the regimental band plays. To make (beautiful) music with someone "have sexual intercourse" is from 1967. Children's game musical chairs is attested from 1877, hence use of musical as a modifier meaning "changing rapidly from one to another possessor" (1924). Musicology "the study of the science of music" is from 1909.

And one we didn't think of:

BEMUSE - 1735, "to make utterly confused," from be- + muse (cf. amuse). Used humorously by Pope (1705) in the sense "devoted utterly to the Muses."

So . . . aren't you sorry you discussed anything related to etymology in my presence? [grin]

Indeed.

But it became officially out of control today as I attempted to quip to THE list about Saturday Night Live, Generalissimo Francisco Franco, young 'uns lack of pop culture knowledge . . . .well, never mind – suffice to say, Arafat is dead. Back to my main point . . . . the tipping point was "booyah." A chance use of "booyah" and the siren's call is heard . . . another 15 minutes of my life gone forever.

Yet, while there are those who would argue this was time wasted, to me, it is time invested in roads elsewise [I don't give a shit, Microsoft Word, I *like* the word "elsewise" so stick your suggestion of "otherwise" as a replacement in your cyberass . . . but I digress] not traveled. Hell, elsewise not even found. How else would I have stumbled across this delightful and useful epicurean site with the following two-year old entry about "booyah" (and I quote from miseblog.com) ?

BOO-YAH! Soup

While searching for the etymology of the taunt "Boo-Yah" (as in "I just dunked on your sorry ass! Boo-Yah!"), I stumbled across references to Booyah soup. Apparently, this is a stew from Belgium with chicken, beef, and pork that's generally made in huge vats. It seems to be popular in Wisconsin, where there are a lot of Belgian immigrants. I'm going to have to make up a batch of this just for the fun of saying the name.

Now if I can just find the recipe for Who's-Your-Daddy Gumbo...

Clearly, there are fellow travelers on this road of compulsion . . . I will take comfort (and support for my obsessive Googling) in their blogged admissions, even if we're all on the road to rack and ruin . . . [rack . . . hmmm, as in "torture rack" or something else? . . . . ummm, yeah, I'll see ya later . . . . www.google.com . . . ]

UPDATE: 11/14/04: Ahhhh, not "rack" - but rather "wrack" as follows: wrack c.1390, "wrecked ship," probably from M.Du. wrak "wreck," cognate with O.E. wræc "misery, punishment," and wrecan "to punish, drive out" (see wreak). The meaning "damage, disaster, destruction" (in wrack and ruin) is from c.1408.

Rage against the dying of the blog form . . .

And another valuable lesson learned . . . (why, always the hard way? Why?)

From now on, I will draft all entries in Word, saving compulsively as I write. I've just lost four paragraphs of work - and they were blog-o-riffic! - because I pasted something into the Blogger blog form from my Yahoo account and (oh, the pain!) was rewarded with a PAGE CANNOT DISPLAY. All my frantic, disbelieving stabs at the BACK button were to no avail. Gone . . . gone forever (sigh). And despite having used Ctrl-D during the writing process, no Draft exists. Those instructions in small type at the bottom of the form lie.

Okay - by "forever" I mean until I painfully re-create said entry (isn't it always harder to write it the second time around?).

Is that pharmacy gonna pay child support?

Druggists Refusing to fill Birth Control Prescriptions On "Moral Grounds"

As my friend Kamal said in sending it on, "Four more years of this?"

http://www.emailthis.clickability.com/et/emailThis?clickMap=viewThis&etMailToID=30798642&pt=Y

USA Today's article "Druggists refuse to give out pill" recounts a frightening number of instances where women have been denied access to birth control. Note, not even the more controversial "morning after" pill - no, this is standard legal-since-the-late-60's birth control.

You don't need a Supreme Court Justice to determine your reproductive rights . . . there are plenty of Average Joes who will attempt to do it for them (and you).

The answer? Organize - protest - make your voice heard! Call and email pharmacy boards. Call and write your Congressperson, Senator, Governor and every other possible governmental person or entity who can legislate access for all. (Note - screw email petitions - no one in WA pays attention to them, per my friends who served as Senate aides.)

Visit http://thomas.loc.gov/ and click the House Directory and Senate Directory to obtain contact info for your state representatives. Then Google "government [your state's name]" - an early hit will likely be the similar site at the state level. Good luck - vigilence is the keyword for the next four years. Respect the efforts of our ancestors (e.g., Margaret Sanger and the people she inspired) - protect the rights of the future generations - SPEAK UP to preserve hard-won rights!

Wind me up and hear me rant . . .

It's not my fault. In these days immediately post-election, I've tried to stay level-headed and objective. The post-election analysis is rampant - what went wrong? What to do differently? Where will this lead us to - rack and ruin? (note - just what is the "rack" of rack and ruin? Shit, one more thing to google . . . )

And I was doing pretty well . . . until last night. On THE List (my favorite online mailing list comprised of truly intelligent and diverse folks - primarily somewhat liberal, but not all - who discuss any and every topic under the sun), this post-election analysis is occurring as well.

Now, throughout this election cycle, we've had many threads about the overriding liberal bent of THE List . . . and the discomfort those of a conservative viewpoint feel when sweeping remarks are made (especially when said remarks appear to assume everyone agrees with the viewpoint expressed). I'll own it - it ain't easy being Red on this list (sidenote: who EVER thought that "being red" would one day indicate being Republican?!? Am I getting old, or what?)

But one week after your group won is simply not an appropriate time to get to huffy about post-election analysis and angst. Pick your battles . . . and when to fight 'em.

So that's where the rant comes in . . . one person posts a link to a NY Times article analyzing the liberal defeat and suddenly a vocal member winds up, taking all the liberals to task for their intolerance and inappropriate tone and . . . well, read on for my response thereto. Just remember, I really did try . . .

Give me a freaking break.

I've stayed out of many political arguments on list. I've been disturbed about sweeping remarks that feel disrespectful to me from "liberals" regarding "Bush supporters." Discussion of those elements have caused me to try very hard to reconcile my feelings of admiration and affection in other respects for some folks on this list with the knowledge that they support Bush . . . because a vote for Bush is a profoundly disturbing thing for me . . . and that reconciliation is hard to find.

But you're attempting to ride a high horse I just can't let ride by without comment. So here's the deal. . .

Don't you DARE talk to me about being reminded of "racial stereotyping of the 60's" when Gay Marriage is put forth as the hot button topic that helped swing this election - that's my brother's life . . . damnit, his very right to exist in this increasingly intolerant country on the line - as well as a HUGE amount of my social circle. And, oh yeah, good people not personally known to me who deserve to exist without my (or anyone else's) damn dispensation -simply because the Constitution grants us ALL the same rights to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.

Don't you DARE lecture me about open-mindedness when eleven states not only pass laws defining marriage asexisting solely between man & woman, but take that to absurd (unconstitutional, unenforceable, e.g., Georgia) extremes of attempting to revoke even existing rights to legally assign medical DPOA rights to their partner in their rabid attempt to make everyone think like them . . . see the world like them. . . define how to live like them.

Don't you DARE lecture me about stereotypes and prejudice when an entire political party has done everything they possibly can for the better part of 20 years to dirty and make vile the very definitions by which I view myself (and . . . oh, yeah, those things that make me different from them): Liberal. Feminist. ProChoice. TOLERANT OF DIFFERENCES

Just don't. 'Cause ain't nothing anybody has ever said on this list about Republicans and/or Bush that's threatened the rights of Republicans on 1/10th the level that the Republican Platform threatens the rights of patriotic Americans who dare to think differently, live differently, or love differently.

Mayhaps people onlist wouldn't give a crap if they didn't feel so threatened by a party determined to eliminate any thinking that isn't exactly the same as theirs.

Recall Bush's first press conference of this administration? "I'll reach out to everyone who shares our goals." How about reaching out to all Americans? When I hear that message, I'll begin to believe that balance is on the table for discussion.

Whew! I know I feel better. (donning my teflon Underoos in anticipation of list response) I'll keep you posted on THE List feedback (sure, let's call it "feedback"). (grin)

UPDATE: 11/11/04 - well, after many more rounds on this thread (including a number of private "thank you!" emails from List members and an equal number of public posts from those on both sides of the fence), my common-sense friend Roxie diplomatically stated the original poster and I weren't in disagreement. And picking up that cue, I replied and agreed. Because she was right . . . in different ways and tones, we both are for balanced discourse. My rant was inspired by what I felt was a one-sided scolding tone towards liberals (and, again, issues with the timing thereof). The original poster graciously acknowledged same and peace (at least vis-a-vis this topic . . . for the moment) reigned again. Strong opinions and vigorous debate? Gotta love it. Beats hell out of polite comments that resolutely avoid religion, politics or anything else of substance OR preeningly preaching to the choir solely to hear one's own voice.

I Heart Procrastination

Following is today's writing exercise with the Women's Writers Group . . . A conversation with your inner muse, inspiration, writer's block . . . you make the call - write for 15 minutes without planning or overthinking.

Honora: Hi . . .

Inner Procrastinator: Hi . . .

Honora: You know, I'm already thinking of ways to stall on this.

Inner Procrastinator: Who would know better?

Honora: (sigh) Yeah, I guess so.

Inner Procrastinator: I just want to know . . . why?

Honora: I don't know. Well, I know some. One, I'm kinda lazy.

Inner Procrastinator: That's bullshit - everyone who knows you won't shut up about how many more hours you put in than most people . . .

Honora: (interrupting) More efficient, not just more. There's a difference.

Inner Procrastinator: Fine, but it's not about lazy.

Honora: In a way, yes, it is. I'm situationally lazy; just like I'm a site-specific extrovert. I have fifty things I want to do - I do five of them balls-to-the-wall, over-the-top perfection . . . and completely procrastinate on the others.

Hey, it keeps you employed.

Inner Procrastinator: Uh-huh . . . move on. What else?

Honora: Two, I'm a woman.

Inner Procrastinator: Okay, I'll accept that . . . to a point.

Honora: Yeah, it's partial bullshit. But it's just as much true as not. It's like I said to Mini-She at dinner yesterday - "Have you noticed how you're always helping others? So who helps you? Besides me, I mean? Are you spending ANY time on you?"

And I know that I'm so helpful to others, at least some of that, to avoid starting on my own priorities . . . goals . . . hell, I'll say it - dreams. Scary shit.

Inner Procrastinator: (eyebrows raised) A-hem!

Honora: Aww, shut up.

Inner Procrastinator: Well, don't you think that's the point?

Honora: (impatiently) What?

Inner Procrastinator: Gawd, I hate it when you're purposely obtuse. F E A R . . . ringing any bells?

Honora: Fine - ding ding.

Inner Procrastinator: So deal with it.

Honora: Easier said than done. It's fine to kick my ass and call me out, but these other points are not invalid. Hell, on some levels, they keep me sane! They get me out of my head. To outside folks, these other commitments are what I'm supposed to do - chapter leader of DigitalEve, vice president of legal geek org, and on and on . . . whatever.

Yeah, they take up time - but they keep my world from shrinking. (pause) It's called networking, y'know?

Inner Procrastinator: You don't have to be sarcastic. I am listening.

Honora: Sorry . . . (deep breath) So okay, I'm maybe a little defensive.

Inner Procrastinator: Ya think?

Honora: (wryly) Now who's being sarcastic?

Inner Procrastinator: (grin) Just take a deep breath.

Honora: Sorry . . .

Y'know, it is fear. But not the way you think.

Inner Procrastinator: Go on . . .

Honora: Oh, cut the therapist crap, will ya? (shaking head) It's kinda standard "fear of success" but not only that. All those other things I mentioned? Well, I have control . . . at least to the level I give a crap. They aren't my heart - they're just my mind. And I'm rational and have good business judgment and detachment on that stuff. I do what I can . . . I know when to compromise . . . I know when to walk.

But the 45 other things . . . if I start . . . if I fail . . . damn, it's not even that . . .

How do I let those things . . . just be? How do I not control? Because those thing are so much more than just my mind - they are my soul. They cut to the bone . . . to start those is to look into the abyss. It's all about not knowing - not controlling . . . just being & working & feeling & shaping. It's all so . . . messy . . . and scary.

Inner Procrastinator: And . . . ?

Honora: My courage isn't what it once was. I mean, my friends would argue that . . . and maybe they're right. But I'm sure more tired than I once was . . .

And then there's all that "fear of success" stuff, too. (grin) But not fear of being successful . . . fear of dealing with other people's reaction to my success. Fear? Burn-out? Potato-potahtoe . . . (deep sigh)

Inner Procrastinator: Of course.

Honora: Of course.

(looking at each other)

Inner Procrastinator: Don't stop. Start.

Honora: (pause) I won't. I will.